A Sinner Finds Grace

Sometimes we reach a point in our lives where it all just stops making sense.  Sometimes the things that used to be fun have become boring.  Or maybe a relationship is ending or has just ended.  Or life has become a sad and lonely place, and full of questions and doubts.  Is this all there is?  What’s the point?  Is it really worth it?

I’ve had days just like that.  Or, to be perfectly honest, I’ve had years like that.

I started smoking when I was fifteen years old.  I started sneaking alcohol from the family liquor cabinet when I was 16.  I started experimenting with marijuana at 17.  I was using it heavily shortly after high school and started experimenting with many other drugs as well, but primarily cocaine and LSD.

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I always had plenty of friends, and there was always a party somewhere, and if drugs or alcohol were part of the party, then so was I.

Through all of this, amazingly enough, I was always able to hold down a job.  For several years I worked swing shift and my party friends were also my co-workers.  We’d start the party at work each night during first break, then continue it at lunch and second break.  When our work shift ended, that’s when the real party began!  Often the sun would be up before we finally crashed for the “night”.

In the middle of all this, what I thought of as a serious relationship with a woman who I really adored ended.  For me, that was the last straw.  I was crushed!  Broken!  My life had been on a downward spiral for a long time.  Every month I found myself deeper in debt due exclusively to my drug use and partying.  I was living on the edge, and I knew it.  Life hurt!  And the only solution I knew was ever larger amounts of drugs and alcohol, taken more and more often.  I knew I needed to change, but had no idea how.

With the relationship breakup, I wanted to give up.  I don’t think I ever actively contemplated suicide, but really, why not?  What was I supposed to do?  Take even more drugs to dull this latest pain?  But drugs were the problem, not a solution!

The next day, I managed to drag myself out of bed and get something to eat.  I couldn’t face a day at my job though, so I just went back into my bedroom and lay on the bed in the fetal position.  My mind and my thoughts were very dark and completely without hope.

Then, for a reason completely unknown to me at the time, my mother called me.  Why would she call?  She knew that I worked during the day so wouldn’t think to call and find me at home.  All the same, she called.

I’d been putting up a good front for years, but it all came out then, the breakup, the hurt, the despair.

At one point she asked me, “Do you know that Jesus loves you?”.  I didn’t know that, and I didn’t really care, or so I thought.

But she kept on, talking about sin, and forgiveness, about death and eternal life, about living for self, or living for God.

And somehow, what she told me made sense!  One thing I knew for sure.  I had made a huge mess of my life, to the extent that I could no longer see any point in living it.  So, when she asked, “Would you like to ask God for forgiveness and ask Jesus into your heart?”, I immediately said yes!  After all, living for self had only given me drug addiction, shattered dreams, and a complete loss of hope.  Living for a Holy and loving God made sense.

So, still laying on my bed, I prayed with my mother and asked Jesus to come into my life.  And that is when the miracle happened.  As the Holy Spirit entered my heart, I felt an incredible wave of relief pass over me.  In that moment, I knew, I mean really knew, that I was no longer addicted to drugs and alcohol.  I couldn’t imagine a circumstance in which I would take drugs again.  When God’s Love entered my heart, the pain of living evaporated and I fell in love with my new-found Savior!

In a single moment, God transformed me from one who saw no reason to go on living to one eager for what each new day would bring.  Put simply, God took a person dead in trespasses and sin and gave him the greatest gift that anyone can receive, eternal life!

If you already have a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ, I hope that god has blessed your reading of my testimony.

If you do not already know The Lord, there is a reason that God led you to this article.  If you would like to know more about accepting Jesus as your Savior and His gift of eternal life, please don’t hesitate to leave a comment.  Or, if you’d rather, if you click on my picture over at the right hand side of this page, you can send me an email.  In any case, may God bless you and may He lead you to His Son.

Also, read chapters 2 and 3 of my testimony, “Journey Into Darkness“, and, “The Road Back“.